In Memory of Jessica...

Small group 4th of July pool party; Jessica with her fabulous parents.

I haven't posted in a week on purpose. My heart and my mind have been swimming with a myriad of emotions. I am positive I am not the only one. In the beginning; disbelief...followed quickly by shock, and on the heels of shock; anger. Anger and I hung out for a day or two or maybe three. Anger lets down our defenses so easily. And when our defenses are down, then Satan strikes. That's why I didn't sit down and type; the last thing I needed was a demon standing over my shoulder reading what I was typing; the last thing I wanted to do was to give the devil a foothold. So I just didn't let what I was thinking leave my head.

Why? That's how it started; why so tragic; why so violent...but yet a blessing in the fact that it was so quick and she did not suffer. A blessing in the fact that she was not alone; that our loving God put a Christian patrolman there to hold her hand and to comfort her. What a relief and a comfort that must be to her parents to know that she was not alone. Patrolman or not, we all know that she was still not alone. I know she was surrounded by angels as she took her last breath. I know that Jesus stood up when that happened; just like he did when Stephen was being stoned...I know he welcomed her with open arms and I know that he said "well done".

I found comfort in the word of God this last week; specifically,

Isaiah 55:8-9
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Colossians 2:5
For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.

John 14:16
And I will pray the Father, and He shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever! .

The day after Jessica died, my cousin shot herself in the head in front of people who loved her. She did not live her life for Christ; she did not attend church, did not put God first; she did none of those things..she also did not want to live and she got what she wanted. I struggled with this for days; why? Why not her in exchange for Jessica? My cousin wanted to die; it just didn't seem fair. I cling to the knowledge that my Heavenly Father can see the whole picture and that there is no way I can understand why it happened the way it did.

Also, I have heard so many times this week about how many lives Jessica touched in her 21 years on this earth; but what we will never know, is how many people will be affected by her death. Lives will be changed forever; people will be moved to mend relationships because life is indeed too short; we are not promised tomorrow; marriages will be renewed...children will call their parents; people will come forward in obedience and be baptized...it will be a domino effect I know. How do I know? Because God did not have Jessica die in vain and I can't wait to see...